Many Blessings

How do I learn to trust more in God than in humankind? Or is it the same? Perhaps when I trust in God I must also learn to trust humankind and come to believe in our own innate goodness. I must not only say but truly accept and believe in my heart of hearts that God/Spirit/All/The Divine is present in each and every person - even in me. Perhaps the last is the hardest. Each of us have suffered traumas in our lives. Sometimes those traumas make us feel so much less than we truly are: less lovable and loved. I struggle with my own insecurities and doubts and am filled with wonder at the possibility that Love, any love, could be absolutely unconditional - could love me in that way. At the same time, I acknowledge that my love for my children is unconditional and in doing so acknowledge that the Love of God is so profound as to be beyond my limited human understanding. It is then that I know that God Loves me, and all of humankind, no matter what evil or folly we may engage in.

I look at the ills of our world: the tremendous imbalance of wealth while so many die of disease and hunger, human trafficking, despoiling our Mother Earth, Wars, all kinds of discrimination and so much more. I do not see these things as the work of God's Hand but rather of the hand of humankind. It is what happens when we refuse to acknowledge and to act on the Love that is - can be - so much a part of who we are. Acknowledging that Love is the first step toward Peace: That inward Peace that passes all understanding and that brings with it a Joy far beyond what I could possibly have imagined. When I choose not to acknowledge and to act on that Love often my baser human wants unfold. We need Love, we want wealth and power. When I accept and act out of the Love of God within I, and the world, takes one more step toward Peace.

Years ago I read a small book that shared Native American wisdom. In it was a teaching about the seven directions: North, South, East, West, Up, Down, Within.
Each direction had it purpose: the East with beginnings, the West with endings and so on. Within was reserved for God and the reason was so that we should never have to look for God; only remember Him*. I live by myself and sometimes wish for companionship on this journey. When I find myself in that place I know that I have not spent enough time within - acknowledging that I am never alone: that I am always Loved.

In this time in my life when I am so deeply engaged in working for Peace and find myself in dire financial straits because of that commitment I cling to my Faith. To the knowledge that God works through others and to Jesus' reminder that, if we ask, it will be given. Help has come in so many ways; a Wegman's Grocery Store shopping card, fresh produce, help from my monthly meeting and the prospect of help from my Yearly Meeting.** God, working through my human family, is amazing! Thanks be to God.


*(I need to say that my personal understanding of the Divine is neither Male nor female but that I tend to use male pronouns simply because that was the teaching of my youth.)

** Some of you have expressed a desire to help as well. I am grateful to you and would be happy to talk with you about possibilities. You can e-mail me at gemjourneytopeace@gmail.com.

Fiscal equality

There are so many dynamics at play when we talk about fiscal equality. I believe that the clear economic segregation practiced in various ways among Friends is the outward sign of a much deeper and ingrained problem. Many of us wear economic blinders and choose not to see the pain that others who are poor but are working hard to 'pass' feel. Many of the poor among us feel ashamed and diminished and so, work to 'pass'. When we suggest that they should ask their meetings, regions, etc. for financial aid we reinforce those feelings.

For many years I too tried to 'pass'. Now, as I work for peace and justice it is clear to me that part of my leading is to witness. To be the voice that says "this is what it's like to be poor in the Religious Society of Friends": to continually lift this uncomfortable reality up and to try to find ways to help to heal it.

I have learned to ask for financial help. This too is part of the witness that I am called to. To lift up that it is not only OK to ask but a blessing to both the receiver and the giver. As we begin to talk about fiscal equality and the sharing of resources we need to learn to be open with one another about what our fiscal resources are and where the need lies.

I believe that when we have been hurt by another we have a responsibility to share with that person (organization)that they have hurt us. Sometimes that means exposing our innermost weaknesses; our pain; our fears. Yet, without living into this in Love we have withheld the information that may help another to open to change. It is a "conscious act of Love" - an opening on the road to Peace. This is not always an easy thing to do. And yet, it is what we are called to. To those who have been hurt, including those who are fiscally poor, I hope you will let your voices be heard so that we can begin to find our way to healing.

I have come to believe and to accept this bit of guidance from 2 Corinthians 8:13-15 “There is no question of relieving others at the cost of hardship to yourselves; it is a question of equality. At the moment your surplus meets their need, but one day your need may be met from their surplus. The aim is equality; as Scripture has it, 'The man who got much has no more than enough, and the man who got little did not go short.””

Or, in the words of John Woolman, in his Plea for the Poor:
“O that we who declare against wars, and acknowledge our trust to be in God only, may walk in the light, and therein examine our foundation and motives in holding great estates! May we look upon our treasures, the furniture of our houses, and our garments, and try whether the seeds of war have nourishment in these our possessions. Holding treasures in the self-pleasing spirit is a strong plant, the fruit whereof ripens fast. A day of outward distress is coming, and Divine love calls to prepare against it.”

I am grateful to all those who have helped to meet my fiscal need and to those who have helped in various ways to support me as I live into my leading to work for Peace.

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Enigmatic Friends

Modern Friends are to me, an enigma. We have testimonies and advises and queries to help guide our path as we seek to walk toward God: to help us weigh our actions and behaviors both toward ourselves and others. At the same time society tells us that we need to look straight ahead - to mind our own business - to not intrude on another's affairs. Simultaneously, our faith and practice calls us to be accountable for and to those that we are in community with; our families, our monthly meetings, the towns in which we live, our quarters and yearly meetings. We cannot practice integrity and live by both. If we truly want to reach out to one another in Love: than we must risk being openly loving and genuinely concerned.

I believe that we are often particularly challenged by our testimony of equality. We struggle hard with questions of sexual orientation and race and the more overt forms of discrimination but confronting questions of fiscal equality seem to be particularly difficult and elusive. I'm sure that some of the discomfort comes from the fact that we've been taught not to discuss our financial circumstances. Society often equates the amassing of money and belongings as a measure of success. Those who are fiscally poor are often ashamed despite the myriad of other gifts that they may possess. I am fiscally poor and so speak from my own experience and from sharing with others in this circumstance. When we exclude anyone from our body for financial or other reasons; wittingly or unwittingly, we as a community, are immeasurably poorer.

I recently attended a large Quaker gathering that ran for several days. There was not enough room for everyone attending to stay in one building and so there were many different types of housing on campus ranging from a quite comfortable hotel to a very rustic, musty bunk house up a very steep hill. There were significant differences in the cost of these accommodations and so those who are comfortable financially stay in comfortable accommodations and those who are not so well off fiscally stay in the less expensive accommodations. The result is economic segregation. There, I've said it. Quakers practicing segregation! This gathering has taken place at this venue for decades and yet, to my knowledge, no one has spoken this until now.

The question of how we move to a place of economic equality is huge and looms over us at every turn. Understanding how to share our resources (fiscal and otherwise) is incredibly important as we attempt to live into our testimonies. It is also important because until we can actually begin to face and work on our own problems we have little moral authority to speak with others about theirs. It is a huge piece of the puzzle as we work toward Peace and Justice within our own communities and so, despite the discomfort of lifting it up, of drawing open the curtain to expose our own sores, we must proceed. It is not only the health and wholeness of the Religious Society of Friends that depend upon it but our communities - indeed, the world community.

Old woman?

I recently received an affirmation that was both wonderful and thought provoking. A young women wrote "I want to be like you when I will be old woman." I was certainly flattered that anyone would want to be like me although I am definitely not ready to think of myself as an old woman! I also felt the weight of responsibility to be a role model, no matter how passing, for another. As I traveled home from Tbilisi there was plenty of time to ruminate and I found myself thinking about my life. If I were to live to be ninety, my life would now be two thirds over. It feels like a good time to think about where I've been and the possibilities for the next thirty years or so.

There have been many wonderful as well as difficult times in my past but, aside from raising my three daughters and now being enfolded in their love and friendship, I find difficulty in enumerating those things. I know that my spiritual life has been rich and continues to deepen even as it broadens to encompass many different faith traditions and ways of understanding Spirit. My personal goal, above all else is to seek unity with God. Striving for that goal often takes great courage. It means saying "yes" to the leadings of the Spirit even when I think that the work is too difficult or when I am afraid. It means speaking out when I see injustice and opening my arms in love to embrace the wounded. It means being willing to risk further pain and rejection to share with others when they have hurt me or a loved one. It means accepting and acting on the fact that everyone is a Loved one. It means knowing that any pain that I may suffer in the name of Love is compensated in Joy. It means living into the prayer that was given to me while in silent worship: Let my words be thy words. Let my hands be thy hands. Help me to be your Peace. And so, it seems that there is no set plan for the future aside from working hard to be faithful to the leadings of Spirit as I seek to be at one with God.

Now begins the time for deep reflection. The work in Sakartvelo feels new and fresh; seasoning is required even as the work continues on.

In a meeting at the Department of the Ministry of Refugees and Accommodation of Georgia I mentioned my personal leading of working toward world peace. One woman looked at me and said that she thought that was a wonderful goal but that everyone thinks that peace is something different. She is right. There are many perceptions of peace. The most common is perhaps that it is the absence of war. That the sole criteria for being "at peace" is that we are not killing other human beings.

Vova is a member of Tbilisi Friends Worship Group; an avid reader and deep thinker. I had a conversation with Vova in which he posited that the making of war is considered a science. That books are written about making war: weaponry and strategies planned. His query was that if war is a science, isn't peacemaking a science also? Can we apply the same sorts of strategies? It was a good and thoughtful question but I couldn't agree. For me, the work of peacemaking is the work of the heart and soul; inextricably linked with my connection with Spirit. I believe that we must begin the work of peacemaking by beginning our own individual quest for Peace - searching for "that of God within" as Quakers say. Without having begun the work within ourselves, we lack the moral compass and integrity to ask others to follow that path.

From the beginning of this work in Sakartvelo I have been so touched by Tbilisi Friends Worship Group, a small gathering of Quaker members and attenders who reached across the world in hope and faith to ask for help with the care of refugees (then 62,000) and with bringing conflict transformation skills to their country. They did not shy away from the size and scope of the work that was placed before them. They were not overwhelmed by the enormity of the work or by fear of failure. They were, and remain, faithful to the leadings of the Spirit. This kind of faithfulness is not centered in our minds or in logic, if it were, we would run thinking the work too hard or too difficult or too large. It finds it's roots in our heart and soul supported by the Joy that only Spirit can bring when we are faithful.