Mother's Day

Our Relationships with our Mothers differs greatly between each child, each sibling, each family and the next.  When others share how wonderful Moms are and share their belief that all Moms should be lifted up as role models, all Moms love their children unconditionally, I shudder.  I grew up in a household where I was unloved by my mother and unwanted.  I was absolutely clear that was true from a very young age.  My mother later affirmed it. I don't know how much this harmful, hurtful relationship with my mother colored my ability to mother my own children.   I love each of my three daughters unconditionally. Each one was deeply wanted.  I worked hard to be a good mother.  Here's how that turned out.  Of my three daughters, I have a wonderful relationship with my youngest daughter and her family.  My second-born died by suicide in 2016 when she was thirty-four years old.  My eldest daughter has chosen not to see me or to speak to me for the last five years - She will not share with me why.

I share these things not because I want you to feel sorry for me in any way, rather, because for those of us that carry deep wounds around mothering, Mother's Day can be an extremely painful time.  The loss of a child, no matter what the reason may be, leaves a hole in your being.  The desire to have a child that cannot be fulfilled rends a deep longing pain.   It's a time when women may simply withdraw or hide the pain that they carry deep within.  This brief  writing is a plea to everyone, everywhere, to acknowledge the pain of others even while celebrating the joy.  May this holiday be a blessed time of listening, healing, and joy.

Blessings

 This trip to Sakartvelo was not what I had expected it to be.  It was not what I had hoped for, and yet, there are blessings.

I am blessed to have reconnected, face to face, with my dear F/friend Misha.  I am blessed to have connected with Act for Transformation's Inga Shumagia, Executive Director of the organization's Caucuses office.  She is smart and focused and she is able to envision a clear path forward.  Alena Kemm works with many groups that partner with Act for Transformation doing trainings primarily with the Fairtogether program.  This program is an adaptation of the Alternatives to Violence Project used primarily with younger people to great success.

On this trip, I was able to make a connection for Act for Transformation with a US Embassy officer who came to the Act for Transformation offices, met the staff, heard the stories, and was visibly impressed.  He encouraged Inga and Alena to invite others from the embassy and to request much needed funds.

I had been asked if I would give a lecture on a topic of my choosing on the Monday of my second week in Tbilisi.  I chose to speak on Peacemaking in Today's World.  I'm not sure just where that topic came from but it gave me good opportunity to reflect on the state of the world and the role that we each can play as peacemakers.   It was a small group of like minded peacemakers that attended and so I decided to abbreviate my remarks and to ask those present for their thoughts and concerns.  It became a deep and wonderful conversation. A true blessing!

 I am blessed to have been in contact with both Ukrainian refugees and Russian Conscientious Objectors.  Learning a bit about their struggles, hearing their stories brings a searing reality to their plight.  I think for me, in my leading as a peacemaker, this is a blessing and a challenge.  As I step into the work of peacemaking my heart is cracked open again and again as I find myself confronted with more than I feel I can possibly hold.  There is often a point at which my heart feels as if it will burst with both a love for these people and from the pain that I now carry within as their plight becomes real to me.  It means acknowledging over and over again that the work that I am given, the work that I attempt to do, comes from Spirit.  When it is clearly Spirit that calls me into work, I must trust that I will be given whatever gifts I need to carry the work.  This is a truth that I find myself needing to learn over and over again.

One final story - As Misha and I prepared to leave a meeting with Ukrainian refugees and older gentleman asked (through a translator) what my heritage is.  I was slightly taken aback but shared that my mother was of mixed European descent and that my father's family were Ashkenazi Jews from Odessa.  He grinned broadly and said that he'd known it.  I've only known my father's heritage for a couple of years.  There was something in that acknowledgement that brought me to tears.  It felt almost like coming home.

The work that I had planned to do during this trip eluded me.  There were moments of frustration and self doubt.  But as I reflect back I see the blessings that I have brought home and the blessings that Spirit has allowed me to leave in Sakartvelo and  I am grateful.

Reflections...

 It is early days to  know all of the implications of my time in Sakartvelo (the ancient name for Georgia). Differences rise for me first.  A sense of tension as I walk among residents of the city.  A recognition of different ethnicities - Georgian, Russian, Ukrainian and the confluence of multiple languages.  People seem just a bit less at ease, just a bit less helpful and open.  There is so much need for peacemaking in the midst of this.

I had hoped to find the Alternatives to Violence Project (AVP) continuing to thrive as it had been when I left twelve years ago.  This kind of work for personal and community peace is so important in this environment.  Unfortunately, I did not find a thriving AVP community.  Instead, I learned that many of the facilitators stopped due to family commitments,  or jobs and some of the AVP facilitators were again asking for financial compensation to do workshops.  There are so many reasons why paying facilitators can't work.  The work of AVP needs to come from the heart - that changes when facilitators are paid.  Also,  AVP workshops are based on all participants being equals.  If someone is paid to be there than clearly they are not equal to those who are unpaid.  It is a great sorrow for me to find this.

I began a conversation with Inga Shumagia, the Executive Director at the Act for Transformation Caucuses office around the possibility of sending Young Friends from Baltimore Yearly Meeting and possibly New York Yearly Meeting to Georgia as interns and to possibly do an exchange with Georgian interns.  We were both excited about this possibility and I committed to starting the process by writing up my thoughts of how this might work.  After our conversation I found that Act for Transformation Caucuses office is struggling financially and I'm feeling that this sort of internship is not viable.

As I sit today.  It feels as if my work in Sakartvelo has come to an end.  I have been blessed by the many experiences and friends that have come my way in Sakartvelo.   Friends that I will continue to carry in my heart and in relationship.  I remind myself that, as this blog is called "Journey to Peace", the work is not only about the work in Sakartvelo.  The path to peace winds throughout our own communities, cities, states, country.  Long before this trip to Sakartvelo, I had been planning work in collaboration with the McKim School in Baltimore and I'm hoping to open conversations with local AVP facilitators to do community workshops.  But there is so much more to do beyond the work of AVP.

AVP is an incredible tool to help us to meet violence nonviolently.  Nonetheless, it feels almost more important at this time, to lift up our faith, the faith of Quakers everywhere, as an immersive faith.  As a way of being in the world for one and all.

 

What does it mean to be at peace?

Where to begin?  I think with personal peace.  For me, when I can come to a place of peace within myself, I find that I can carry that peace with me and share it, even radiate it to other people. 

Finding my way to peace is not something that just happened one day.  It has been many years of learning, and constant practice, both of which continue every day.  Part of this comes from the practice of my Quaker faith which, I believe, is an immersive faith.  While Quakers have no creed there are understandings among us that we agree to try to practice in our lives.  First is that we believe that there is that of God, of Spirit, in every human and that we look for that spark in everyone before anything else.  This is the place where we are truly all equals.  Then there are the testimonies.  Our testimonies suggest to us ways in which we may deepen our lives and understanding in the Spirit.  We are called to live into the testimonies so that we can testify to how each one, and all of them together, inform our lives.  There are five broad categories: Simplicity, Peace, Integrity, Community, Equality.  For me, each one of the testimonies calls me to deeply reflect on my life and works.  What have I done to simplify my life and possessions?  What am I doing to find peace in myself and in the world?  Am I living from a place of integrity, of honesty?  What am I doing to help strengthen and feed my community?  Am I treating everyone the same?   All of these things work to create one cohesive way of being in the world.  They create the immersive faith that I believe creates the Quaker way of being in the world.  Being a Quaker and working to follow the Quaker way of life was an early opening  for me in finding my way to peace.

The meeting for worship that I attend is an unprogrammed meeting - that is to say that there is no priest, no formal prayer or particular format.  We come together on a Sunday morning to sit in silence.  Within the silence, we individually invite God/Spirit to be with us and to speak to us directly.  When we are clear that we have received such a message we rise and share it with those present.  This kind of worship calls us to be prepared for an encounter with Spirit.  For me, it requires a daily practice of  sitting in silence and waiting on Spirit.  It means opening myself to different ways of hearing and learning which I do through many different kinds of spiritual reading.

Over time, all of these practices create a calmness, an openness, a love that moves within and beyond myself.  It creates a deep quiet well within that I can go to when I need to recharge and that I can draw upon when I am called on to bring God's peace into the world.

 My constant prayer came to me from Spirit as I sat in silent worship:

Let my words be thy words

Let my will be thy will

Help me to be your Peace. 

May we all know that place of Peace.

 One More Week ...

Two more days of traveling.  This time to the Kakheti region which is a major wine making region.  I traveled at the invitation of Sergei and his family.  Sergei is a C.O. from the Russian Federation's draft, having received three conscription notices so far.  He has been hoping that I might help to find him some assistance to emigrate to the United States.  I think I say, more than anything else, that I am not an expert and that I only know what I am able to see online.  From what I see online, I am surprised to see how challenging emigration to the U.S. for both Russians and Ukrainians is.

Yesterday afternoon I had a wonderful treat!  I was able to worship with old Friends (and new) at Tbilisi Friends Worship Group.  Several of the members I first met on my first trip to Georgia in 2009.  The worship felt deep and well grounded.   I shared pictures of where I worship at Gunpowder Friends Meeting (Sparks, MD, Baltimore Yearly Meeting).  They were excited and pleased to receive bookmarks with four seasons pictures of our Meeting house.  We had wonderful treats and good conversation.

Over the last week I have been working to set up a meeting at the Act for Transformation office with a representative from the U.S. embassy.   Today those efforts finally came to fruition. Ryan Sherman, Cultural Programs Coordinator in the public affairs area came to meet me and Act for Transformation staff at their offices.  We spoke for quite some time about the Alternatives to Violence Project and Fairtogether and the impact that they have on people's lives.  Alena and Inga shared about the amazing work that they are doing in Georgia but also in Armenia, Azerbaijan, and Ukraine.  Misha shared about the work that he is doing facilitating work with Ukrainian and Russian refugees and conscientious objectors.  Ryan was openly impressed.  He had been unaware of this work for peace.  He was surprised to know that facilitators that I trained twelve and thirteen years ago are still working.  He shared possibilities for financial support from the US embassy.  I will work with Act for Transformation in whatever way I cane to facilitate these grants.

Finally, this morning I presented my talk on Peacemaking in Today's world.  We were a small group made up exclusively of men and woman who are working for peace.  I decided to keep my remarks short (fifteen minutes) and to spend how ever long felt right in discussion.  It was a deep and heartfelt exchange in which we learned from each other.  I will share more about it in a separate post

I am grateful for this time of stretching and growing for myself and those that I am able to touch.

 

 Yesterday, Thursday was comprised of two primary activities.  First, a meeting with Zaal Tkeshelashvili who serves as pastor for the Evangelical Church of Georgia.  His church is small and unaffiliated and so is facing pressure from the Georgian government to become affiliated with the Pentecostal churches in Georgia, or to close.  We talked at length and shared a meal.  There is a sense here in Georgia, that Americans can move mountains.  We can perhaps move mountains if our faith is strong enough but I'm not clear that extends to corrupt governments.  His church's case is being overseen by one of four Georgian judges that the United States just sanctioned.  There are other concerns that he hopes for help with - much smaller by far - where assistance may be possible.

In the evening Misha and I attended a session with a psychiatrist at housing for Ukrainian refugees.  The psychiatrist is a young and cheerful woman who is sponsored by Act for Transformation.  I was introduced to the participants all of whom were from Mariupol, Ukraine.  One young man showed me a video of his apartment in flames after being hit by a Russian shell.  Another elderly gentleman shared that this was the second time he had been forced to evacuate Mariupol.  The first time was in 1944.  His wife was killed in the fighting.  His daughter was also with him.  Her husband had been killed.  My heart ached for them all.  As I listened to the session, unable to understand a word, I was struck by the clear spirit of hope and determination that they carry. When we were leaving that same elderly gentleman asked me (through Misha) what is my nationality.  I shared with him that my mother was a mix of many nationalities and that my father's family came from Odessa, Ukraine.  He smiled broadly and said that he'd seen it in my face.  I was shocked by how very deeply moved I was to be identified in that way.  The knowledge of this heritage is quite new to me.  Creating ties in this way feels like a coming home.

When I first arrived in Georgia, I was asked if I would give a talk.  I asked what I should speak about and was told that I should decide.  So, on Monday at 11:00 I will speak on Peacemaking in Today's World.  I'm not sure what led me to that choice but it has deeply challenged me to hold questions like "What makes someone a Peacemaker?" "What is Peace?" "What is violence?" "How do we do this thing we call peacemaking?"  "Why do I believe so absolutely that world peace is possible?" "How can we plant the seeds of peace?"  And on and on it goes.  In the end, I suspect I have far more questions than answers but I have always believed that the questions are far more important than the answers.  The questions remain constant while the answers change as we grow in our understanding.  And so, while I have things to share, I hope to open a conversation with those present so that we can learn from one another.

Tomorrow I will be off to Kakheti region with Misha and a Russian family.  Kakheti region is in the far east of the country, bordered by Azerbaijan. It is the country's largest wine producing region.  The father of this Russian family is a conscientious objector who has received three conscription notices so far.  He is in Georgia with his wife and two children.  They will host Misha and I.  Misha shared with me some time ago that they hope to emigrate to America.  I have already shared that I am at a loss as to how that can happen.  That said, I am honestly not sure if there is a point to this trip other than the trip itself but I agreed to let Misha set my itinerary and so here I am.  We will stay overnight in Kakheti and return to Tbilisi in time to worship with Tbilisi Friends Worship Group at 5:00 pm on Sunday.

I continue to be amazed at the depth and breadth of the work that Act for Transformation is engaged in and yes, it is all focused on moving our world toward peace.  It is an attempt, in great part, to open way to the understanding of opening hearts and minds to a loving, and open way of life - a way of healing before potential wounds occur.  I am grateful for that work in the world.

 

It's been a busy couple of days here in Tbilisi.  Tuesday was spent in Act forTransformation's office meeting and beginning to get to know the staff, Inga Shumagia, Alena Kemm, Anna who teaches Georgian language to volunteers and one of the volunteers, Maxim.  I worked to speak with someone at the US embassy to set up a meeting with them at the office so that there is an awareness of the work that Act for Transformation is doing in Georgia.  I also met with a representative from the Public Defender's office, Attorney Luka Kiliptari, who works specifically on issues of minority tolerance.  The Quaker worship group in Tbilisi works closely with him.   

 

Wednesday, Misha and I did a Zoom conference with  Ukrainian refugees who are hoping to get help to emigrate to the US.  While I consistently share that I have only minimal knowledge on this topic, it appears that the US has specific programs (The US Refugee Admissions Program or USRAP,  The Lautenberg Program, and Uniting for Ukraine).  Each of these programs has very high bars that refugees need to meet in order to be granted a two year visa.  I hear the deep yearning to be part of a functioning society, to be able to work, to be able to raise children without fear and I know that these families are so few among so many seeking to relocate. To know this from afar is one thing.  To be in the midst is something else.

   

Yesterday, Inga and I began a conversation around the possibilities of youth volunteers from Baltimore Yearly Meeting (BYM) and possibly from New York Yearly Meeting (NYYM) to work with Act for Transformation and also the possibility of an exchange for Georgian youth to come and do work in the peacemaking field in America.  We talked about an age range of eighteen to twenty-seven.  We talked about financing issues and what the work of volunteers might look like.  There is much work to be done in creating this opportunity!  I've committed to creating an initial proposal for us to work with.  Friends in BYM and NYYM, what say ye?  I will need your help to make this a reality!

The work of the Alternatives to Violence Project (AVP) in Georgia has once again faltered.  Not because the work isn't needed and not because the value is not recognized but because culturally facilitators still feel they need to be paid to feel valued.  This is such a struggle for me.  I know that the work of facilitating AVP needs to come from the heart and that when we begin to pay facilitators that they are no longer equal with the other participants.  I also know of the incredible impact that AVP has on lives.  My heart aches as I struggle with these two divergent paths.  Act for Transformation continues to move the work of AVP forward but often finds that they must pay at least a small stipend to facilitators.  One way they  have found forward is by creating another program called Fairtogether which is very similar to AVP but is just different enough.  Fairtogether is used with younger populations including in schools.  I feel excited to hear of this program and have been gifted with a facilitators manual.

 

This trip is very different from the last three in that I am much more on my own.  The flat where I am staying is a good distance from the Office.  The first day Maxim came to the apartment to walk me to the office.  After that, I've been pretty much on my own to make my way between the two.  The route is beginning to look familiar now but I'm still grateful to have good GPS in my phone!  The walk provides good time and space for conversations with Spirit, my constant companion.  Let my words be thy words.   Let my will be thy will.  Help me to be your Peace.

 

 

In Tbilisi

 After many months of planning I am finally here!  It's been a very long three days getting to Tbilisi.  The flight out of Dulles International Airport Saturday night suffered significant delays leaving.  That meant the layover in Istanbul was reduced from fifteen hours to thirteen hours and finally this morning a smooth three hour flight into Tbilisi.  The rest of today I will spend recuperating and suspect that I'll jump into the work with both feet tomorrow.  I've left the complete plan of my itinerary up to Misha so it will be one day at a time!  I am excited and ready for whatever ways Spirit leads.

   

 It is March 19, 2023.  I will leave for Tbilisi, Georgia in thirteen days.  I, accompanied by my support committee,  have been doing the interior work of preparation for this trip since well before the turn of the year.  The trip itself will be short - leaving the U.S. on April 1st, arriving Tbilisi on April 3rd and returning home April 15th.   My entire meeting (Gunpowder Friends Meeting, Baltimore Yearly Meeting) will travel with me in Spirit.  How very blessed I am!

I am excited to again be working with my longtime friend Misha,  meeting the principals of Act for Transformation and their partner organizations, meeting with Alternatives to Violence project (AVP) facilitators,  talking about possible internships for young Friends and delivering around forty pounds of books on peace, pacifism, nonviolence and Quaker views on peace donated by Friends at Gunpowder Meeting.  Misha shares that I will have an opportunity to meet with and hear the stories of C.O.s and to share thoughts on classes for Ukrainians to learn English.  Some of this work is completely new to me - I am ready.

For many years  I have defined peacemaking as "a conscious act of love".  Often, the further I travel on this journey, the more simplified things become so that today peacemaking seems simply "conscious love".  Being aware that every embrace, every smile, every kind word, every moment shared in openness and honesty, softens a heart and opens a door.  It is love that takes away the occasion for war.  Each time we touch the heart of one other person, each time we plant another seed of peace we are that much closer.