Art Thou in Darkness?

 Art thou in darkness? Mind it not, for if thou dost it will feed thee more. But stand still, and act not, and wait in patience, till Light arises out of Darkness and leads thee. James Nayler (1659)

 This morning I came across a clip of Paulette Meier chanting this Nayler quote.  I wept it so spoke to my condition.

By all rights; by all logic I should not be in darkness.  Logically I know all of the 'right' things to do; to reflect on; to say. However, I must acknowledge that there is little in my Spiritual journey that has risen from logic.I know that I am not alone and never will be as Spirit is always in my midst and yet lately I find myself yearning for human connections.  

I spend many of my days with my daughter, Jessica and grandson Brady.  I am truly blessed to have them and the rest of that family in my life.  They are my touchstones.  Even though I believe I am valued within my meeting I feel isolated from friends in my daily life. There is little else.

In the midst of it, there's Nayler who stands tall as one of the Valiant Sixty and as a personal hero of mine in Quaker history who admonishes me to "stand still, and act not, and wait in patience".  I'm clear that this is not meant to be a time of inaction - at least not internally.  For me I hear it as a lifting up of a time of prayer, of quiet sitting, of asking Spirit what comes next and, above all else, of trusting Spirit, having faith that Spirit will use me and all of the experiences of my life and those that I have not yet had to lead me forward into Light; to teach me that which I need to know for Light to rise "out of Darkness" and lead me.

 

 

The Pot has been Stirred

 The metaphor that occurs to me is that of  preparing cooked pudding.  When all of the ingredients for the pudding are in the pot it goes on the stove top and you stir, and stir, and stir some more.  As the pudding nears completion it thickens and becomes a rich, thick, and very delicious liquid.  It begins to boil under the surface.  If you stop stirring the pudding begins to boil with large pops and spurts.  I've never seen a lava spout rise up out of the ground, but I suspect this looks like a mini eruption.  

What does pudding have to do with spiritual life?  It feels to me as if as long as we keep ourselves busy (stirring the pot in this metaphor) that our lives just keep putting along without leaving much time for the movement of Spirit.  When we stop stirring and sit quietly, listening, praying, Spirit has the opportunity to bubble up within us; to grab our attention; and to feed us in ways that we had not yet recognized needed to be fed.

Since coming home from the first School of the Spirit's Participating in God's Power (SOTS PGP) residency, there has been much bubbling up.  The call to ministry that has been with me for forty some years has never left me and I am reminded of that.  Perhaps, then, it should not come as a surprise to me that a strong tug toward the work of chaplaincy has re-emerged.  My years of serving the men at New York State's Eastern Correctional Facility as their outside facilitator for the Quaker Worship Group there and serving that group as Spiritual Director bubble up.  To what end?  Time will tell.  Things are turning.

Simple Gifts - a Quaker/Shaker hymn

Tis a gift to be simple, ’tis a gift to be free
’tis a gift to come down where you ought to be
And when we find ourselves in the place just right
‘Twill be in the valley of love and delight.

When true simplicity is gained
To bow and to bend we shall not be ashamed
To turn, turn will be our delight
‘Till by turning, turning we come round right.

Participating in "Participating in God's Power"

Participating in God's Power. The name itself feels somewhat intimidating unless your personal faith, your belief, your heart and soul, takes you to a place of believing that God, Spirit, Creator, Yahweh, is within.  If you believe that, you are always a participant in God's power. That is where my belief takes me and so, here I am.  It's day three and I'm forced to acknowledge that there maybe more to my being here than I thought there was.

Participating in God's Power is a year long program designed to lead a group of selected participants; a cohort, through a year long process of study, reflection, and various exercises designed to deepen spirituality; to deepen one's relationship with spirit, to deepen ones sense of Knowing.  There are five residencies and multiple other meetings throughout the year.

But what am I doing here?  What drew me here?  For me, there is only one answer.  Spirit led me here. My work in the country of Georgia has come to an end.  I felt clear that, even though my part in that work was complete, my work in the world is not done.  The Leading to the work of Peacemaking remains strong within me and tugs harder and harder on my heart to do something!  All that is well and good, but what is that work? Affirmation of my participation in the program came as I began to feel the tug to  be here: first from my support committee, then my application was accepted and a grant that I'd applied for to help pay for the program was approved, then through contributions from friends from various places in my life the balance of the funds for the course appeared as well as enough money to help with the purchase of the required books and the cost of travel.  In my life, when things fall together in this way, I feel the hand of Creator at work.

The first residency began this Friday (2/15/24) at Pendle Hill, in Pennsylvania.   It's now Saturday.  Already I feel my inner world is shifting.  I am being challenged mightily by an underlying sense that the strong leading that brought me here may not only be about the next steps for my work as a Peacemaker but may also have to do with healing my internal wounds so that I can be a better Peacemaker; a better lover to the world.