I recently received an affirmation that was both wonderful and thought provoking. A young women wrote "I want to be like you when I will be old woman." I was certainly flattered that anyone would want to be like me although I am definitely not ready to think of myself as an old woman! I also felt the weight of responsibility to be a role model, no matter how passing, for another. As I traveled home from Tbilisi there was plenty of time to ruminate and I found myself thinking about my life. If I were to live to be ninety, my life would now be two thirds over. It feels like a good time to think about where I've been and the possibilities for the next thirty years or so.
There have been many wonderful as well as difficult times in my past but, aside from raising my three daughters and now being enfolded in their love and friendship, I find difficulty in enumerating those things. I know that my spiritual life has been rich and continues to deepen even as it broadens to encompass many different faith traditions and ways of understanding Spirit. My personal goal, above all else is to seek unity with God. Striving for that goal often takes great courage. It means saying "yes" to the leadings of the Spirit even when I think that the work is too difficult or when I am afraid. It means speaking out when I see injustice and opening my arms in love to embrace the wounded. It means being willing to risk further pain and rejection to share with others when they have hurt me or a loved one. It means accepting and acting on the fact that everyone is a Loved one. It means knowing that any pain that I may suffer in the name of Love is compensated in Joy. It means living into the prayer that was given to me while in silent worship: Let my words be thy words. Let my hands be thy hands. Help me to be your Peace. And so, it seems that there is no set plan for the future aside from working hard to be faithful to the leadings of Spirit as I seek to be at one with God.
Dear Friend,
ReplyDeleteRecently you reminded me that to grow peace, we have to plant seeds. One of the things that I am learning from observing you is to let go of some of my rumination and brooding when my plans do not work out the way I expect. I wanted to be a superhero, but I find that I'm just another person plugging along. There are so many problems I wanted to solve all by myself and I get angry when I find that the problems are bigger than I am. I've wondered if any of what I do is worthwhile. I'm no rock star, heavyweight reformer as I planned to be when I was a girl. Watching you respond so faithfully to your own calling has helped reaffirm my own sense of calling. Obedience to the Light means doing our part without guarantee that we will see the fruits of the seeds we plant. It means setting aside ego and acting on faith (and often in the midst of fear) for in the end, the Plan that matters, was not my design.
Maybe you could suggest to your friend that she can be "like you" even at her present age. I assume she was alluding to some spiritual qualities that are really not age-related, and that she was not saying she wanted to give up her own individuality.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was a mere 61 (two years ago),after I ran for and caught a bus, the young bus driver said in a friendly tone "Sir, I hope I'm as spry as you are when I'm your age".
I think it was well-intentioned and I took it as such. Perhaps I should have been even more grateful since in fact I was not feeling very "spry", (was, in fact, more shaky and exhausted than anything).
I, too, find myself doing life-reviews from time to time. I see that I've made mistakes. I hope/believe that I have grown. I also find "no set plan for the future aside from working hard to be faithful..."
- - Rich Accetta-Evans
"It means saying "yes" to the leadings of the Spirit even when I think that the work is too difficult or when I am afraid."
ReplyDeleteJust what I needed to read as I am struggling to say "yes" to something for which I feel ill-equipped.
I am grateful to you all for sharing your insights! There was no way for me to respond to my young Georgian friend between language and time but, as you suggest Rich, I believe that it was Spirit that she was responding to. That felt right to me if not just a bit overwhelming. I am clear that what she saw was God's work as it moved through me - and I hope that that is what she longs for in her life. The possibility of setting one other persons soul on fire with longing for the cool, joyous waters of Spirit is enough.
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