Our Relationships with our Mothers differs greatly between each child, each sibling, each family and the next. When others share how wonderful Moms are and share their belief that all Moms should be lifted up as role models, all Moms love their children unconditionally, I shudder. I grew up in a household where I was unloved by my mother and unwanted. I was absolutely clear that was true from a very young age. My mother later affirmed it. I don't know how much this harmful, hurtful relationship with my mother colored my ability to mother my own children. I love each of my three daughters unconditionally. Each one was deeply wanted. I worked hard to be a good mother. Here's how that turned out. Of my three daughters, I have a wonderful relationship with my youngest daughter and her family. My second-born died by suicide in 2016 when she was thirty-four years old. My eldest daughter has chosen not to see me or to speak to me for the last five years - She will not share with me why.
I share these things not because I want you to feel sorry for me in any way, rather, because for those of us that carry deep wounds around mothering, Mother's Day can be an extremely painful time. The loss of a child, no matter what the reason may be, leaves a hole in your being. The desire to have a child that cannot be fulfilled rends a deep longing pain. It's a time when women may simply withdraw or hide the pain that they carry deep within. This brief writing is a plea to everyone, everywhere, to acknowledge the pain of others even while celebrating the joy. May this holiday be a blessed time of listening, healing, and joy.
