Modern Friends are to me, an enigma. We have testimonies and advises and queries to help guide our path as we seek to walk toward God: to help us weigh our actions and behaviors both toward ourselves and others. At the same time society tells us that we need to look straight ahead - to mind our own business - to not intrude on another's affairs. Simultaneously, our faith and practice calls us to be accountable for and to those that we are in community with; our families, our monthly meetings, the towns in which we live, our quarters and yearly meetings. We cannot practice integrity and live by both. If we truly want to reach out to one another in Love: than we must risk being openly loving and genuinely concerned.
I believe that we are often particularly challenged by our testimony of equality. We struggle hard with questions of sexual orientation and race and the more overt forms of discrimination but confronting questions of fiscal equality seem to be particularly difficult and elusive. I'm sure that some of the discomfort comes from the fact that we've been taught not to discuss our financial circumstances. Society often equates the amassing of money and belongings as a measure of success. Those who are fiscally poor are often ashamed despite the myriad of other gifts that they may possess. I am fiscally poor and so speak from my own experience and from sharing with others in this circumstance. When we exclude anyone from our body for financial or other reasons; wittingly or unwittingly, we as a community, are immeasurably poorer.
I recently attended a large Quaker gathering that ran for several days. There was not enough room for everyone attending to stay in one building and so there were many different types of housing on campus ranging from a quite comfortable hotel to a very rustic, musty bunk house up a very steep hill. There were significant differences in the cost of these accommodations and so those who are comfortable financially stay in comfortable accommodations and those who are not so well off fiscally stay in the less expensive accommodations. The result is economic segregation. There, I've said it. Quakers practicing segregation! This gathering has taken place at this venue for decades and yet, to my knowledge, no one has spoken this until now.
The question of how we move to a place of economic equality is huge and looms over us at every turn. Understanding how to share our resources (fiscal and otherwise) is incredibly important as we attempt to live into our testimonies. It is also important because until we can actually begin to face and work on our own problems we have little moral authority to speak with others about theirs. It is a huge piece of the puzzle as we work toward Peace and Justice within our own communities and so, despite the discomfort of lifting it up, of drawing open the curtain to expose our own sores, we must proceed. It is not only the health and wholeness of the Religious Society of Friends that depend upon it but our communities - indeed, the world community.
Friend speaks my mind.
ReplyDeleteMany blessing to you. I am tearful with thanks to you for writing this. I want to continue talking to you about this issue and how we might work together to address this shared concern.
Yes, I too would like to continue to share about this concern. To what extent is Quakerism "infilitrated" by the financial definitions--and markers-- of "success" in our culture and how do we address this?
ReplyDeleteAs my family has made decisions that have led to less, not more, money, I have felt judged by Quakers on (rare) occasion ... I accept perhaps that that's part of the burden of living life on one's own terms ... but I am open to this discussion.
A well off Quaker said once: "Somebody always pays for somebody else's virtue." This was in response to some Quakers lowering their income so as not to have to pay war taxes--and then coming to meetings asking for money to meet expenses. How are we all in this together? What does that mean? Do some have to slave at high paying jobs to pay for the virtue of others? Do some have to sleep in crummy quarters while others, with more money, sleep in comfort? How do we mediate all this?
When I go to Yearly Meeting I have to hit up my Meeting for money... and therefore I ask for the minimal amount, and sleep in a tent if possible. It makes the experience more exhausting... but detracts nothing from it! I have nothing against some older, creakier geezer wimping out for a room, because needs do differ, and we need to hold these events however we can afford them.
ReplyDeleteWhatever keeps us (Californians) from finding accommodations in Mexico, on the other hand... makes me wonder a little.
Where our financial differences really cripple us, I think, is in certain unconscious class-based assumptions: that everyone can/should live a certain padded lifestyle (and give a little to charity)... That our collective Good Works should be supported by endowments, "invested" in the Financial/Insurance/Real-Estate parasitical elements of our economy, hoarded for long term operation rather than spent for immediate need. There's a certain collective blindness at work and the Comfortable are too full of instrinsic superiority to notice.
(At the beginning here I make a clear statement that there are men who fit within the description of the hypothetical "woman" and "women" I outline below. I do not ignore their existence, but I do maintain that gender continues to influence our general understanding of each other. Because we are still living in a society that devalues "women's work", those men who choose to engage in nurturing behavior often find their work devalued as well.)
ReplyDeleteAround the issue of accommodations, a female Friend may have different needs than male Friends related to physical or psychological safety and privacy. She may need to breastfeed and care for children,to provide care for elders or members of her circle with disabling conditions. I see how access to money and gender are so often linked. In natural disasters, women are more likely to die because they are more likely to stay behind or be slowed down in their attempts to save children, elders, and the disabled. Even today, women often find themselves in this caregiver role. Those women (and men) who are in this role become like Martha in the kitchen while Mary and the disciples spend time with Jesus.
Like Martha, she may feel separated from the spiritual work of the meeting by her own and other Friends' conscious and unconscious expectations of her role as a woman as caregiver, cleaner, cooker, and fusser over others' physical well-being. These issues become more complex when we add social class. A poor woman cannot afford to bring her loved ones with her nor can she afford to leave them at home. I see how access to money and gender are so often linked.
My personality is rather more of the "Mary" rather than the "Martha" variety so I noted the difference in how I was treated when I became a mother. I noted that my husband, although he is actually more willing than I am, was rarely expected to look after children or leave a discussion to engage in cleaning up or setting tables, or whatnot. Suddenly I was "Martha" and I didn't like it at all. I can recall my mother's reaction to that biblical story. "If Jesus and the disciples got up and helped Martha with the meal, then they all could have talked together!" lol
Friends could use a little CR.
I've also been troubled by economic segregation at some Friends gatherings. The setup in which richer Friends get cozier accomodations closer to the center of the place seems like a troubling metaphor. I've also been at gatherings where Friends spoke movingly about universal love and justice and then were oblivious to/inconsiderate of the people who were preparing our meals, washing our dishes, cleaning the spaces where we met--where Friends were in an economically privileged position and failed to even acknowledge the people who weren't.
ReplyDeleteLast year I visited Illinois Yearly Meeting. They meet in a Meetinghouse; most Friends stay in tents or bunkhouses on the adjoining property (the latter go to those who can't readily tent). I know some Friends had to be in air-conditioned spaces due to respiratory issues, and I don't know whether there were funds available to help with that. Friends took turns cooking and washing dishes. I thought this added a different kind of closeness/mutual dependency as well as keeping the gathering very affordable and making it more comfortable for someone who can't generally afford to be waited on and who prefers in any case to help with the work. I realize that this would be more difficult to do with larger gatherings, but I wonder if something along these lines could be possible.
Loving and gentle conversations with each other about our privileges and our needs is a good first step. We bring resentments and insensitivity with us, but if our will is toward Love, I think we do not need to fear honesty and exploration of these topics.
ReplyDeleteFriends, I think New York Y.M. summer sessions at
ReplyDeleteSilver Bay will soon come to an end. It's too
expensive, even for the wealthier Quaker attenders; we need to spend our money on more
important things. Many Friends in the y.m. have
called for this change for many years now.
My wife and I lived in Chicago for several years, and we twice attended Ill.Y.M.sessions
at McNabb. This is an ideal setup, i think.
Maybe other yearly meetings that own summer
camps (Illinois does not) could do something
like this, at the end, or even in the middle
of camp sessions.
And several yearly meetings have large congrega-
tions in or near large cities. Friends could
stay in homes of members of these congreations.
Then Friends could get to yearly meeting by
public transportation---usually impossible now.
At any rate, QuakerGem, keep up the good work,
snd please create a setup for Friends to
release you financially for what you do
on behalf of us all.
Jeremy Mott