Opening to Spirit by Opening to Pain and Grief

 Many of you are aware that I have begun a year long journey with the School of the Spirit's Participating in God's Power program.  It is a program that helps to clear way - to open our hearts and souls to walking hand in hand with Spirit;  It allows us to open way to be God's eyes and ears, voice and hands as we open more and more to the guidance of Love.

This second Segment (of five) centers around "working through spiritual scar tissue and internal resistance".  Much of that scar tissue and resistance are the result of pain and grief that we carry in our lives.  My own life long journey has been heavily crisscrossed with pain and grief.  Through the scars of a mother who did not want me or love me and who tried to kill me.  Through three failed marriages that I now see I entered into because I so wanted and needed to be loved; through the death of my father, my mother, my sister, my daughter and many others who I loved.  And through so many other lesser but significant stripes across my heart.  The readings for this segment have led me into the dark corners that I often work to keep hidden until I found myself describing my condition as standing in the middle of a spiritual tornado.  I felt as if my feet were firmly on the ground and I could picture myself in a favorite standing prayer attitude with unidentifiable objects flying around me and constant strikes of lightening.  I sensed that the objects were related to my pain and that the lightening was of Spirit.

I have spent much time in silence, holding this image and asking for guidance.  Guidance came.  I heard "Find the joy".  And so I began combing through my story looking for joy - looking for some kind of balance between the pain and the joy until I finally had an awakening.  There is a prayer that I've said almost daily for the past forty-five or so years. One of the final lines is "give me only the support of your presence and the joy of your love".  And there it was!  The Joy of being in the arms of the Creator.  

The pain melted away.  I am at one again!  I lift up praise and gratitude to that which is unnameable and unknowable and the very center of my being. Amen.