Art Thou in Darkness?

 Art thou in darkness? Mind it not, for if thou dost it will feed thee more. But stand still, and act not, and wait in patience, till Light arises out of Darkness and leads thee. James Nayler (1659)

 This morning I came across a clip of Paulette Meier chanting this Nayler quote.  I wept it so spoke to my condition.

By all rights; by all logic I should not be in darkness.  Logically I know all of the 'right' things to do; to reflect on; to say. However, I must acknowledge that there is little in my Spiritual journey that has risen from logic.I know that I am not alone and never will be as Spirit is always in my midst and yet lately I find myself yearning for human connections.  

I spend many of my days with my daughter, Jessica and grandson Brady.  I am truly blessed to have them and the rest of that family in my life.  They are my touchstones.  Even though I believe I am valued within my meeting I feel isolated from friends in my daily life. There is little else.

In the midst of it, there's Nayler who stands tall as one of the Valiant Sixty and as a personal hero of mine in Quaker history who admonishes me to "stand still, and act not, and wait in patience".  I'm clear that this is not meant to be a time of inaction - at least not internally.  For me I hear it as a lifting up of a time of prayer, of quiet sitting, of asking Spirit what comes next and, above all else, of trusting Spirit, having faith that Spirit will use me and all of the experiences of my life and those that I have not yet had to lead me forward into Light; to teach me that which I need to know for Light to rise "out of Darkness" and lead me.