Enigmatic Friends

Modern Friends are to me, an enigma. We have testimonies and advises and queries to help guide our path as we seek to walk toward God: to help us weigh our actions and behaviors both toward ourselves and others. At the same time society tells us that we need to look straight ahead - to mind our own business - to not intrude on another's affairs. Simultaneously, our faith and practice calls us to be accountable for and to those that we are in community with; our families, our monthly meetings, the towns in which we live, our quarters and yearly meetings. We cannot practice integrity and live by both. If we truly want to reach out to one another in Love: than we must risk being openly loving and genuinely concerned.

I believe that we are often particularly challenged by our testimony of equality. We struggle hard with questions of sexual orientation and race and the more overt forms of discrimination but confronting questions of fiscal equality seem to be particularly difficult and elusive. I'm sure that some of the discomfort comes from the fact that we've been taught not to discuss our financial circumstances. Society often equates the amassing of money and belongings as a measure of success. Those who are fiscally poor are often ashamed despite the myriad of other gifts that they may possess. I am fiscally poor and so speak from my own experience and from sharing with others in this circumstance. When we exclude anyone from our body for financial or other reasons; wittingly or unwittingly, we as a community, are immeasurably poorer.

I recently attended a large Quaker gathering that ran for several days. There was not enough room for everyone attending to stay in one building and so there were many different types of housing on campus ranging from a quite comfortable hotel to a very rustic, musty bunk house up a very steep hill. There were significant differences in the cost of these accommodations and so those who are comfortable financially stay in comfortable accommodations and those who are not so well off fiscally stay in the less expensive accommodations. The result is economic segregation. There, I've said it. Quakers practicing segregation! This gathering has taken place at this venue for decades and yet, to my knowledge, no one has spoken this until now.

The question of how we move to a place of economic equality is huge and looms over us at every turn. Understanding how to share our resources (fiscal and otherwise) is incredibly important as we attempt to live into our testimonies. It is also important because until we can actually begin to face and work on our own problems we have little moral authority to speak with others about theirs. It is a huge piece of the puzzle as we work toward Peace and Justice within our own communities and so, despite the discomfort of lifting it up, of drawing open the curtain to expose our own sores, we must proceed. It is not only the health and wholeness of the Religious Society of Friends that depend upon it but our communities - indeed, the world community.

Old woman?

I recently received an affirmation that was both wonderful and thought provoking. A young women wrote "I want to be like you when I will be old woman." I was certainly flattered that anyone would want to be like me although I am definitely not ready to think of myself as an old woman! I also felt the weight of responsibility to be a role model, no matter how passing, for another. As I traveled home from Tbilisi there was plenty of time to ruminate and I found myself thinking about my life. If I were to live to be ninety, my life would now be two thirds over. It feels like a good time to think about where I've been and the possibilities for the next thirty years or so.

There have been many wonderful as well as difficult times in my past but, aside from raising my three daughters and now being enfolded in their love and friendship, I find difficulty in enumerating those things. I know that my spiritual life has been rich and continues to deepen even as it broadens to encompass many different faith traditions and ways of understanding Spirit. My personal goal, above all else is to seek unity with God. Striving for that goal often takes great courage. It means saying "yes" to the leadings of the Spirit even when I think that the work is too difficult or when I am afraid. It means speaking out when I see injustice and opening my arms in love to embrace the wounded. It means being willing to risk further pain and rejection to share with others when they have hurt me or a loved one. It means accepting and acting on the fact that everyone is a Loved one. It means knowing that any pain that I may suffer in the name of Love is compensated in Joy. It means living into the prayer that was given to me while in silent worship: Let my words be thy words. Let my hands be thy hands. Help me to be your Peace. And so, it seems that there is no set plan for the future aside from working hard to be faithful to the leadings of Spirit as I seek to be at one with God.

Now begins the time for deep reflection. The work in Sakartvelo feels new and fresh; seasoning is required even as the work continues on.

In a meeting at the Department of the Ministry of Refugees and Accommodation of Georgia I mentioned my personal leading of working toward world peace. One woman looked at me and said that she thought that was a wonderful goal but that everyone thinks that peace is something different. She is right. There are many perceptions of peace. The most common is perhaps that it is the absence of war. That the sole criteria for being "at peace" is that we are not killing other human beings.

Vova is a member of Tbilisi Friends Worship Group; an avid reader and deep thinker. I had a conversation with Vova in which he posited that the making of war is considered a science. That books are written about making war: weaponry and strategies planned. His query was that if war is a science, isn't peacemaking a science also? Can we apply the same sorts of strategies? It was a good and thoughtful question but I couldn't agree. For me, the work of peacemaking is the work of the heart and soul; inextricably linked with my connection with Spirit. I believe that we must begin the work of peacemaking by beginning our own individual quest for Peace - searching for "that of God within" as Quakers say. Without having begun the work within ourselves, we lack the moral compass and integrity to ask others to follow that path.

From the beginning of this work in Sakartvelo I have been so touched by Tbilisi Friends Worship Group, a small gathering of Quaker members and attenders who reached across the world in hope and faith to ask for help with the care of refugees (then 62,000) and with bringing conflict transformation skills to their country. They did not shy away from the size and scope of the work that was placed before them. They were not overwhelmed by the enormity of the work or by fear of failure. They were, and remain, faithful to the leadings of the Spirit. This kind of faithfulness is not centered in our minds or in logic, if it were, we would run thinking the work too hard or too difficult or too large. It finds it's roots in our heart and soul supported by the Joy that only Spirit can bring when we are faithful.

Ossetian Refugees Graduation from AVP Basic Workshop

Sakartvelo 6/21/10

Yesterday we finished our last AVP workshop. It was with refugees from Ossetia who fled in the conflict with Russia in October of 2008. Many times during this workshop we paused as they shared their stories: stories of being bombed, of leaving there homes with only their clothes, of two elderly sisters walking 80 kilometers to reach safety, of families separated and some still not rejoined. Hearing their stories made it even more poignant that each and every one had joy to share; each one was full of warmth and love. I feel so clear that this is the true state of the human spirit. It is what we are all called to reach out to in one another. Over the last five weeks as I have done AVP workshops with many different groups in many different circumstances; from members of the worship group to orphans to refugees, I see over and over again how important the work of AVP is. Within each group, I have seen participants grasp a clear understanding of transforming power and heard stories of how it has begun to change their lives - even within the three days that we spent with them. I know that many seeds of change have been planted. I leave behind twelve apprentice facilitators (three men and nine women)who are bright and enthusiastic and who, I believe have grasped an understanding of the power that we name as transforming power and so, AVP Georgia is reborn. She will need to be nurtured. Maia Gonjilashvili is a long time facilitator but she is not clear that she has the skills to train new facilitators and so a Training for Trainers workshop will need to happen here. But the work has begun and, even as I prepare to leave, it bears fruit. Nothing touches my soul more deeply. Last night I shared our last meeting for worship with Tbilisi Friends Worship Group. At the end, there was a bottle of wine and the traditional Georgian toasting (Tamada). I was toasted in traditional fashion and I returned a toast, thanking them for all that they have done to support me and the work of AVP in Georgia and for their deep caring for others. They endorsed our travel minutes in English, Russian, and Georgian. Sakartvelo is a land that prides itself on it's hospitality, and with good reason. Everyone has been so helpful and welcoming. The street vendors that I buy most of my food from have gotten to know me and are quite good at guessing what I want. I've taken to keeping paper and pen in my pocket so that I can draw pictures of what I hope to buy. Between the pictures and pantomime we manage to figure it out. The women in our local shop seem awed when I ask for 6 kilo of Samarkho cookies(I find that many who practice the orthodox faith fast a great deal of the time and so eat no meat, fish, eggs or milk products - "Samarkho" is fasting.) Often they will have a few English words with which they try to guess why I'm here. I've been unable to explain to them that I'm buying for workshops or to share with them that I'm leaving today. And so, this morning is filled with packing - bags filled with gifts from the worship group as well as a souvenir or two of my own. I'll clean the flat and return it to it's original configuration. There are the final meetings to be had, an hour or two of sleep and then off to the airport at 1:30am. I am longing for my own bed but at the same time there is a tug in my heart and tears in my eyes as I prepare to leave this country and people that I have come to love.

Tskneti Orphanage